I once worked with a leader who described himself, quite seriously, as “ruthlessly consistent.” He said it with pride, as though it were a badge of honour — a sort of organisational antihero cape. Reliable. Predictable. Never thrown by change.
Which might have been impressive, if I hadn’t spent the morning listening to three of his direct reports describing him as “hot and cold,” “moody,” and “weirdly different on Tuesdays.”
What fascinated me wasn’t the discrepancy — that’s entirely normal — but the fact that he had no idea it existed. In his mind, he was the same every day. In everyone else’s mind, he was a shape-shifter.
And of course, both were right.
We’re never quite the same person across every room we walk into. We’re not even the same person throughout a single day. (My children will confirm this.)
There’s the us we are at 9am. The us we are when we’re being observed. The us we are with the Operations Director. The us we are on Teams. The us we are when the meeting should have been an email.
And those versions? They all lead in slightly different ways.
I’ve become increasingly interested in how leaders manage these internal variations — not just the dramatic shifts, but the quiet daily ones: When am I most collaborative? When do I tighten control? Who gets my playful side? Who gets my “focusing face”? When do I flex? When do I fake it?
The question isn’t “How do I become consistent?” It’s “How do I become conscious?” Because I think the real risk isn’t being inconsistent — it’s being unaware of it. When we’re unconscious of who’s showing up, we get caught out.
We think we’re coming across as calm. Others experience coldness.
We think we’re bringing gravitas. Others hear silence.
We think we’re holding space. Others feel abandoned.
We think we’re being direct. Others experience dread.
And none of this makes you a bad leader. It just makes you human. The challenge is to grow your awareness of what it’s like to be around you — in all your different modes — and begin to lead from there.
Because if we’re not leading with consciousness, we’re leading by accident.
And in my experience, that never ends well. Especially on Tuesdays.
If this sparked a thought — or made you wince with recognition — I’d love to hear how you navigate your own shifting leadership selves. Do get in touch.
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Note: All stories are adapted and anonymised to protect client confidentiality.
